I know who I am. I like who I am. Inspired by Dolly Parton.

“She’s so high on herself.”

That’s what they used to whisper about me in middle school.

The message was clear: shrink or be excluded. So I shrunk.

The story of my childhood is that I dimmed my light to fit in.

The Dolly Parton Moment

So, I’ve recently decided that I’m entering my diva era.

This was inspired by Dolly Parton. I’ve always loved her, but I have a newfound appreciation for her after seeing a clip where she says, “I know who I am. I love who I am. I love what I do in the world. I love my life. I’m confident in myself.”

When I heard that, I thought—women don’t say that.

But the way Dolly said it—it wasn’t arrogant or off-putting. It was full of heart. She said it with such self-love and purpose that it sounded like truth, not ego.

She said, “I’ve got this gift, and I want to share it with the world.” And something in me clicked.

Reclaiming “Diva”

So yes, I’m calling this my diva era. And even saying the word “diva” makes me cringe a little. You know me—I am the farthest thing from a diva.

When we think “diva,” we picture someone selfish or self-absorbed. Someone who thinks she’s better than everyone else. And that’s exactly what I’ve always been afraid of—that people would think I thought I was better than everyone else. God forbid.

But I’m using the word intentionally, precisely because it’s provocative and uncomfortable.

Because the truth is this: I think the world is better with more of me in it, not less.

I’m confident in who I am. I spread love. I’m creative. I have ideas and gifts to share. Holding myself back doesn’t serve me—and it doesn’t serve anyone else either.

So this “diva era” isn’t about being superior. It’s about being visible. It’s about taking up space without apology.

The Origins of Dimming My Light

Of course, that’s not how I was raised—or how I learned to be.

When I think about where my fear of being “too much” came from, I can trace it right back to middle school.

You probably can too. There’s always that moment when other girls are mean to you—when they say something cutting that makes you shrink. For me, that phrase was: “She’s so high on herself.”

It was said to my face, but also whispered behind my back.

I was a dancer. I had good posture. And if you combine good posture with shyness, it reads as aloof. Superior. “High on herself.”

And when I heard that, I panicked. No middle school girl wants to be an outcast. So I thought, Okay, if I’m too high, I’ll go lower.

Over-Humbling as Self-Protection

That’s when I started downplaying myself. My talents. My achievements. My gifts.

If people already thought I was “high on myself,” then I’d be the opposite: super humble, super helpful, never threatening.

And sure, humility can be a beautiful trait—but for me, it became armor. It was how I stayed safe.

I think a lot of women can trace this pattern back to a moment like that—a time when belonging mattered more than authenticity. When we dimmed our light to make others comfortable.

Because confidence is threatening, especially to people who are struggling with it. When you’re unsure of yourself, seeing someone who is sure of themselves can feel painful.

The New Definition of “Diva”

So now, I’m rewriting that story.

Like Dolly, I want to be able to say:
I know who I am. I like who I am. And I think the world is a better place with me in it.

That’s my diva era. Not ego. Not arrogance. Wholeness. Self-trust. Radiance without apology.

Maybe it’s time for all of us to enter our own.

---

Get A Weekly Voicenote From Me

Voicenotes From a Friend is real talk for real women. Sometimes deep, sometimes ridiculous, always human. It’s the kind of thing I’d leave for a friend I trust, and now, I’m sending them to you. Welcome to your crowdsourced corner of the internet, amongst friends. Drop your email below to start getting voicenotes.

---

You Might Also Love…

From Punishment to Nourishment: My Soft Girl Era of Exercise

Mom Burnout: How To Stop Doing It All