I’ve Trained My Family To Treat Me Like Alexa And I’m DONE.

They just asked for sunscreen. So why did I feel completely unhinged? This voicenote is about invisible labor, quiet rage, and the real reason I was feeling so much resentment.

I Was So Tempted To Throw My Kids Off the Boat

Recently, on a family vacation, I had one of the most infuriating experiences.

We were on a boat—me, my five kids, my husband, two friends. Of my five children, all five of them asked me to put sunscreen on their back.

“Hey Mom, can you put some sunscreen on my back?”

Seems harmless, right? But I could feel the irritation rising like a wave.

The Gift of Anger

Anger gets a bad rap. We’re taught it’s unattractive, that we should repress it or manage it away. But anger is actually useful—it’s a signal. It tells us something’s wrong. It tells us a boundary has been crossed.

For years, I told myself I didn’t get angry—maybe just “irritated.” But irritation is really just the early stage of anger.

And when my reaction is disproportionate to the request—when five sunscreen asks feel like a personal attack—that’s my cue to dig deeper.

Why This One Small Thing Bothered Me

It wasn’t really about sunscreen.

It was about being the default person for everything.

• “Hey Mom, can you make me a dinner reservation?”
• “Hey Mom, can you change my dentist appointment?”
• “Hey Mom…”

I am constantly fielding requests—from teenagers who are perfectly capable of handling things themselves.

A friend recently spent the day with me and, after watching my phone buzz non-stop with kid-related asks, said, “I didn’t realize how much you handle every single day.”

Recognizing My Role in It

Here’s the thing: I trained them to depend on me. I’ve been capable, available, and willing—and I’ve done it all well. But now that they’re older, it’s not serving either of us.

I have two choices:

1. Keep doing everything, while getting more resentful.
2. Retrain them—and myself—to break the pattern.

So on that boat, every time one of them asked me to put on sunscreen, I redirected:

• “What about your friend next to you?”
• “What about your sister?”

They didn’t always love the answer. And I probably didn’t nail the “not irritated” tone. But it was a start.

Setting Boundaries, Teaching Independence

I’m learning to pause when irritation bubbles up and ask:

What needs to change here?

Sometimes it’s a quick redirect. Other times, it’s a bigger conversation:

“I know I’ve done this for you in the past, but you’re capable. Try figuring it out before you come to me. I’m here for the big stuff, but you need to value my time.”

It’s okay to tell your teenagers—and anyone in your life—I’m not endlessly available. My time matters.

This Isn’t Just About Motherhood

Maybe you’re not a mom, but you’ve felt this dynamic somewhere—at work, in your family, with friends. Women often become the default doers. We swoop in before something drops, even when it’s not our job.

Breaking that habit takes intention. It’s uncomfortable at first. But it’s worth it.

I’m still learning to let things be, to redirect instead of resent, and to protect my energy.

And if you’re reading this thinking, Yes, that’s me, maybe you need that reminder too:
You don’t work for them. Your time matters. Train people to treat it that way.

Thanks for being here. All my love.

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