I Had A Social Life Everyone Envied, But No One To Call

I basically had no friends for the first 35 years of my life. Then my husband dropped a truth bomb I did not ask for, and everything changed…

How I Went from No Real Friends to Building My Dream Community

For the first 35 years of my life, I essentially had no friends.

If you know me now, that might seem impossible. And honestly, on the outside, it looked like I had plenty of friends. I hung out with people. They called me their friend. We went out, we laughed, we liked each other.

But I wouldn’t call them friends the way I define friendship now.

The Breaking Point

The realization came after a very hard season of my life. I had five kids in six years. I’d been an overachiever and perfectionist my whole life, and after eight straight years of being pregnant, breastfeeding, or both, I cracked.

I was deep in my dark night of the soul—questioning everything. Did I marry the wrong person? Should I have had these kids? Am I even in the right life?

(For the record, I did marry the right guy. But in that moment, I wanted out. Of everything.)

Here’s the part that really stuck with me: I came so close to losing everyone I loved—and I told no one. Not my mother. Not my father. Not my brother. Not a single friend.

That had always been my way. I’d been raised to keep it all in, never air my dirty laundry. It didn’t even occur to me to reach out.

The Words That Changed Everything

One day, my husband said something that cut me to my core—but in the best way.

“You have no friends. You confide in no one.”

I was offended. What do you mean? I have friends! Look at so-and-so, look at her—we care about each other, we love each other.

He said: “Yeah, but you don’t confide in them. A friend is someone you trust enough to confide in.”

And he was right. I knew people. I liked them. They liked me. But I didn’t have real friends. Because real friendship is showing yourself—especially in your darkest moments.

Designing a Different Future

After that, I vowed that my past—walking through life alone—would not be my future.

I had a flash of myself on my deathbed, surrounded by the people I loved, with no regrets. And I thought:

If I want that, I must start now to design the life I want.

So I began doing the opposite of how I’d been raised. I started sharing out loud. And the friendships I’ve built since then—deep, trusting, mutual—are among the most powerful parts of my life.

What I Learned About Friendship

1. Loneliness isn’t a life sentence.
   I was deeply lonely. But we can change that.
2. It won’t happen on its own.
   We have to be proactive. Decide that’s what we want and go after it.

I’ve even gone out of my way to meet women I admire—yes, sometimes “stalking” them online to figure out how to connect. Because the reality I want won’t build itself.

Why Midlife Is the Perfect Time

You can do this at any age, but midlife is particularly suited to it. By now, many of us have moved beyond the obsessions of our 20s and 30s—climbing ladders, appearances, keeping up with the Joneses.

We know more about who we are and what we want. For me, it’s being surrounded by people I love, doing things I love.

My Dream: The Women’s Commune

I joke with my friends about building a women’s commune—but I’m not really joking. Women live longer, and at some point, we may find ourselves without our partners.

My vision?

• A pottery corner.
• A crochet corner.
• Swimming every day.
• Maybe a little surfing.

A community where we care for each other. Where support is built in.

And people always say, Sign me up. Because they want it too.

The Point: We Have to Build It

This kind of community doesn’t just appear. It takes intention and effort.

That’s what I’m doing for myself—and for others—through Voicenotes From a Friend.

It’s my invitation to you: Think about the life you want. The way you want to feel. The people you want around you.

If it feels far away, know that you can have it. But you have to start now.

You being here is part of it for me. Thank you, as always, for being with me.

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